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Mona the Vampire
MISS DEWEY'S DISMAL SYSTEM
©Cinar Animation
Second Draft, April 12th, 2000
FADE IN:
INT. MONA'S BEDROOM – DAY
*The sun shines through Mona's window. The hand of the Von Kreepsula clock on the nightstand SFX:TICKS to 7:00 exactly, and the alarm SFX:RINGS. The mass of blankets lift off MONA, who turns off the alarm. She's already awake, sitting with a comic book in her lap.
CLOSE UP on the comic book. A super hero battles an ogre who's trying to take a futuristic-looking attaché away from him.
1. MONA (V.O.)
Oh no, the ogre wants to destroy
the treaty!
ANGLE ON the next frame. The super hero lies on the ground as the ogre prepares to swallow the attaché.
2. MONA (O.S.)
Quick, your sonic disruptor!
Mona turns the page. It is blank save for an inscription.
3. MONA
"To be continued"? But Biff Boffo
must deliver the peace treaty
before war breaks out!
Mona jumps out of bed and runs to her piggy bank. It is covered with cracks and held together with tape.
4. MONA
The entire universe is at stake.
She breaks her piggy bank. It gives with hardly any resistance. Instead of money, it is filled with pieces of paper.
5. MONA
Oh no! Someone stole my money and
replaced it with these IOU's... oh
wait, that was me. I guess Biff
will just have to wait.
The wind blows the curtains. RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO fantasy sequence.
On the wall, the shadows of the curtains take the shape of the comic book OGRE.
6. OGRE *You're mine, Biff Boffo!
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO reality. The shadow on the wall breaks apart.
7. MONA
MOM!
Mona runs out of the room.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Mona's MOM is making breakfast. Mona rushes in frantically.
8. MONA
War is imminent! Need money, quick!
Mom seems unperturbed by the news.
9. MOM
War, is that all? I was afraid it
might be locusts or space invaders.
10. MONA
You don't understand, I need to get
the next issue of Biff Boffo and...
11. MOM
Mona, I've already given you
advances on your allowance for the
next three months. Remember the
fake blood and the musical yoyo?
12. MONA
But there's this ogre with fangs...
Mona mimics the ogre, taking a huge bite out of a piece of toast.
13. MOM
I'm sorry Mona, you'll just have to
learn to manage your money.
Mona sulks. She expresses her discontent with her mouth full.
14. MONA
Mpfblbl qmfpt...
15. MOM
Yes but Biff Boffo doesn't run this
household, does he?
INT. MONA'S BEDROOM – DAY
The closet door is open and the clothes hanging inside move about. CHARLEY and LILY appear in the bedroom doorway.
16. CHARLEY
Mona?
Mona emerges from the closet holding up her fist triumphantly.
17. MONA
Never underestimate the untapped
resources of old coat pockets!
She drops a handful of coins on her desk and counts them.
18. LILY
Your mother told us you'd be up
here. You've got Biff Boffo fever
too, uh?
19. CHARLEY
My parents won't let me have the
next issue until Monday.
Mona looks disappointed.
20. MONA
Rats! I'm a dollar short, not
counting the peso. On to plan B.
She puts bottles of pop on the desk.
21. MONA
We'll have enough if we return
these bottles of pop. But we have
to empty them first.
*Mona opens a bottle (SFX:PSST) and hands it to Charley.
22. CHARLEY
We'll be late for school if we
don't hurry!
*Charley drinks from the bottle. The desk wobbles and Lily catches the bottles before they fall over.
23. LILY
Your desk is wobbly.
*Mona grabs a book bearing a library sticker from a pile.
24. MONA *Here, stick this library book under a leg.
Lily looks at the cover.
25. LILY
"Oliver Twist"... how did you like
it?
Charley finishes a bottle. He opens another one (SFX:PSST).
26. MONA
It was, er... magical?
27. LILY
You haven't read it, have you? The
report is due tomorrow!
*Charley finishes off the bottle. He opens a third one (SFX:PSST).
28. MONA
*There's always time to start. I work best under
pressure.
Mona's mom passes by in the hallway. She stops in.
29. MOM
Mona, have you been neglecting your
homework? If you fail that report,
there'll be no more comic books for
the rest of the school year!
30. MONA
But mom!
Charley finishes off his third bottle. He appears a little green around the gills.
31. MOM
Charley, you shouldn't drink soda
so early in the morning.
32. CHARLEY *I know, Mrs. Parker... (belch).
*EXT. GROCERY STORE/COMIC BOOK STORE – DAY
Mona comes out counting change, followed by Lily and Charley.
33. MONA
A dollar fifty! Good work, Charley!
They stop by the comic book store, which is still closed. A full- size cardboard cutout of Biff Boffo in the window holds the latest issue.
34. MONA
You're mine after school, Biff.
Charley fidgets, bent over.
35. CHARLEY
Can we hurry? I really have to go
to the bathroom!
36. LILY
You should have gone before we
left, Charley.
37. CHARLEY
I did! Twice!
Lily and Charley walk away while Mona lingers. She notices something moving in the darkened store. RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO fantasy sequence.
An ogreish hand reaches out from the shadows and snatches the comic book. RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO reality. Mona runs after her friends.
38. MONA
(Gasping) Guys! Wait for me!
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Mona and Lily are sitting at their desks. Mona has papers and crayons scattered on her desk. Lily is enthralled by Mona's story.
39. MONA
...and then, when you and Charley
walked away, out of the shadows
emerged... THE HAND!
Mona pokes her hand underneath her shirt and up through her collar, clutching at her throat.
40. LILY
*You really do have Biff Boffo on the brain. You're
seeing ogres everywhere!
41. MONA
*I've got to find out what happens to Biff in the
next issue.
Miss Gotto comes in the classroom and closes the door.
42. MISS GOTTO
All right children, to your seats.
There is a SFX:KNOCK at the door. She opens it and Charley comes in. He sits at his desk with an expression of relief.
43. CHARLEY
Oof! I almost didn't make it. I
don't want to even look at soda for
the rest of my life.
44. MISS GOTTO
Today I thought we could discuss
"Oliver Twist" some more. Mona,
would you like to begin?.
Mona rises from her work in progress with panic in her eyes.
45. MONA *Well, er... it's still sinking in.
Miss Gotto walks over to Mona's desk and takes the paper she's working on. It's a colourful succession of frames, comic book style.
46. MONA
As you can see, I'm almost done
with my book report. I chose the
illustrated medium, because I think
it lends itself best to the story.
47. MISS GOTTO
Is Oliver wearing a cape? And
what's that on the schoolmaster?
48. MONA
Tentacles, green and slimy.
Miss Gotto crosses her arm.
49. MISS GOTTO
Mona, since you obviously haven't
read the book, you'll be staying
after school to finish it.
She confiscates Mona's drawing.
INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY
*Mona, Lily and Charley sit at a table with stacks of books and papers. There is a cup filled with pens in the center. Mona chews on her pen.
50. MONA
*How does one capture the essence of "Oliver Twist"
during lunchtime, without having
actually read it?
*Mona opens a bag of chips, which SFX:CRINKLES noisily. An old LIBRARIAN with pointy glasses throws her a dirty look from her desk.
51. LIBRARIAN
SHHHHHHHHHT!
*Mona puts the chips away, intimidated.
52. CHARLEY
(whispering)
The new librarian scares me.
53. LILY
(whispering)
*That's Miss Dewey. I heard that she had a kid so
scared that he tried to stifle a
sneeze and his head blew up. And
then she gave him detention!
54. CHARLEY
I heard that it was a cough, and
that his eyeballs popped out.
55. LILY
Mona, your pen!
Mona's leaky pen turned her lips blue. She wipes them with a tissue.
56. MONA
Oh, rats. Just what I needed.
*Lily hands her a pen from the cup on the table.
57. LILY
Here, use a library pen.
*Mona thumbs through impressive tomes.
58. MONA
*I have to get out of detention if I want to go to
the comic book store. But I'll
never finish my report by sticking
to the classic!
*She puts the book aside and opens a pop-up book at the scene where Oliver asks for more porridge. She works a tab and the master hits Oliver on the head with the ladle.
59. MONA *Thank goodness for the abridged version.
INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY – LATER
*The previously neat table is a mess of books and papers. Mona is putting her things away while Lily scans the report.
60. LILY
*Well, it's a report all right. But there's an awful
lot of white space. And I don't
remember any actual dancing in
"Oliver Twist"!
61. MONA
*Editorial license. At least now I can return my
book.
*The children walk out. Mona stops at Miss Dewey's desk (the librarian) and hands her the book. Miss Dewey, a permanent scowl on her face, looks inside the cover.
62. MISS DEWEY
This book is a week overdue.
That'll be a dollar fifty.
*Mona takes the coins out of her pocket and SFX:JINGLES them in her hand. She takes three marbles out of her other pocket and puts them on the desk.
63. MONA
*I'm saving my money for a comic book. Do you accept
lucky marbles?
64. MISS DEWEY
*A deadbeat, uh? You kids are all the same, with
your comic books. If it were up to
me, you wouldn't be allowed
anywhere near this place.
The school bell SFX:RINGS. Mona looks up at the clock.
65. MONA
I have to get back to class...
Mona turns towards Miss Dewey. RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO fantasy sequence.
Miss Dewey's face is inches away from Mona's. Her teeth are sharp and yellow, and her nose is deformed.
66. MISS DEWEY *You're mine, Biff Boffo!
Mona recoils.
67. MONA
What did you just say?
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO reality. Miss Dewey is back to normal.
68. MISS DEWEY
*I said you're mine, and Miss Gotto too. She doesn't
think much of paying her fines,
either.
Mona runs out of the library. Miss Dewey shouts after her.
69. MISS DEWEY
I have other ways of collecting
debts, you'll see!
INT. MONA'S HOUSE – DAY
The entrance door SFX:SLAMS. Mona, Lily and Charley scramble like a herd of frenzied rhinos up the stairs in a deafening SFX:RUMBLE, dropping bags behind them. Mona's mother peeks out of the kitchen.
70. MOM
Mona, is that you?
A single shoe SFX:TUMBLES down the stairs in their wake.
INT. MONA'S ROOM – DAY
Mona, Charley and Lily are lying on their stomachs on the floor. The comic book is propped against the bed.
71. MONA
Good job Biff! I told you the sonic
disruptor would work!
72. LILY
*This is the best issue of Biff Boffo yet! Can I
turn the page now?
73. CHARLEY
No wait! I'm not done.
Mona's mother looks in on them.
74. MOM
Can I get you kids anything...
Mona, shouldn't you be working on
that book report first?
75. MONA
It's all done, mom, like I
promised. See?
She takes her report out of her bag and hands it to her mom.
76. MOM
This isn't very funny, Mona.
Mona takes back the sheet of paper. It is completely blank.
77. MONA
But... I wrote it during lunch
today, I swear!
78. MOM
*I told you no more comic books for the rest of the
school year if you didn't turn in
your report on time. A promise is a
promise.
Mom confiscates the comic book and leaves. Charley looks at the blank piece of paper.
79. CHARLEY
What happened to your report?
80. MONA *It's the ogre who stole the peace treaty!
81. LILY *That's just a comic book character, Mona.
82. MONA
*I know, but life imitates fiction! Miss Dewey said
that she'd find a way to collect
the debt. She must have stolen the
words right off the page as
payment!
Mona takes her cape out of the closet and puts it on. She begins to change into Mona the Vampire at her dresser.
83. LILY
What are you going to do?
84. MONA
*If I don't get the report back, my mom's going to
declare full-scale war.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY
Mona the Vampire, Princess Giant and Zapman peer around a corner to make sure the coast is clear.
85. MONA
Looks like everyone went home. Keep
your eyes peeled.
*They tiptoe to the library doors. They peer inside through the glass.
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
Miss Dewey is processing returned books.
86. MISS DEWEY
Late! Late! LATE! Lousy kids...
She punctuates each word by vigorously stamping the inside cover of each book.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY
Mona and Lily crouch at the foot of the doors.
87. MONA
Just our luck! She's working
overtime. We can't get in as long
as she's there!
88. CHARLEY *Hey, I can't see her anymore. She's gone!
The children open the door a crack and peer inside.
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
*The lights are out. Miss Dewey is gone.
89. LILY *I can't see her either. Let's come back later.
90. MONA
*She could leave with my book report! I can't take
that chance. Come on!
*Mona creeps in, followed by Charley and Lily. They rummage through Miss Dewey's desk.
91. LILY
Where do we even begin to look?
This could take hours! If only we
had a hint...
An electronic SFX:BEEP attracts their attention towards light coming out of an office in the back. They creep towards the doorway and peek in.
INT. LIBRARIAN'S OFFICE – DAY
Miss Dewey takes a bowl of steaming soup out of a microwave and sits at her desk. She sniffs the fumes. RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO fantasy sequence.
*As the three children peer in through the doorway, she metamorphoses into an ogre: pointy ears, long teeth and bulbous eyes.
92. MISS DEWEY/OGRE *Nothing beats a little Oliver Twist for supper!
*She slobbers as she takes a spoonful of soup and prepares to swallow it. CLOSE UP on the alphabet noodles.
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
93. MONA
She's made alphabet soup with my
book report, and now she's going to
eat it!
94. LILY
*We need to distract her! Charley, sing as loudly as
you can.
95. CHARLEY
Hey, are you saying that my singing
is terrible?
96. LILY
*Not at all. She'll fall under the spell of your
melodious voice and become as
gentle as a kitten. Yeah, that's
it.
Lily and Mona hide behind a bookshelf.
97. CHARLEY
Well, that makes sense. Hmm, let's
see... oh yeah. (off key) "OLD
MACDONALD HAD A FARM, HEE HI HEE HI
HOOOOO...!"
The Dewey ogre roars out of the office, smashing the doorway in the process.
98. MISS DEWEY
THERE IS NO TALKING, NO LAUGHING,
AND DEFINITELY NO SINGING IN THE
LIBRARY!
99. CHARLEY
Yikes!
Charley takes off running. Miss Dewey goes after him, fangs bared. Lily calls after him.
100. LILY
Keep singing, I think she's
softening up!
INT. LIBRARIAN'S OFFICE – DAY
Mona takes the bowl of soup.
101. MONA
Ouch, it's hot. Let's go!
Lily takes a pack of crackers and follows Mona out of the office.
102. LILY *Should we take the crackers too?
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
Lily and Mona stop at the main entrance. Charley joins them, winded.
103. CHARLEY
I think I outran her. What an ogre!
Lily opens the door. Miss Dewey is waiting for them on the other side, drooling.
104. MISS DEWEY
Won't you children stay? I'd love
to have you for supper!
*Miss Dewey advances on them. Mona holds the bowl of soup away from her.
105. MONA
This book report is mine! You have
no right to eat it!
*Miss Dewey knocks the bowl out of Mona's hands and it spills onto the floor. She smacks her lips.
106. MISS DEWEY
*Oh, but I've got something much tastier than soup
now. Comic books have turned you
kids all soft and mushy.
107. MONA
*Comic books are what taught me exactly how to take
care of ogres like you, lady! Ever
heard of a sonic disruptor?
Mona takes out a bag of chips and opens it (SFX:CRINKLE).
108. MISS DEWEY
Chips! You wouldn't dare!
Mona takes a chip and SFX:CRUNCHES it. Miss Dewey recoils.
109. MISS DEWEY
No! It's against the rules!
110. MONA
We're putting an end to your rules!
Mona passes the bag around. The children advance on Miss Dewey, SFX:CRUNCHING noisily, while she covers her ears with her hands. She backs up against a bookshelf.
111. MISS DEWEY
No eating! The noise! You'll ruin
everything! Stop it right now!
The vibrations cause the bookshelf to shudder, and the books collapse on top of Miss Dewey. Lily kicks at the pile of books, but the ogre is nowhere to be found.
112. LILY
She vanished!
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
*Mona is sitting at her desk, appearing exhausted. She kisses her book report.
113. MONA
*Well, I had to stay up all night, but it's done.
I'll never wait until the last
minute to do my homework again.
114. LILY
*At least this time it's done right, if I may say
so.
115. CHARLEY
*I've had my fill of ogres. Both the comic book kind
and the librarian kind!
116. LILY
*I don't think we'll see Miss Dewey ever again. They
brought back the regular librarian.
Miss Gotto comes in.
117. MISS GOTTO
*I have some bad news for you today, children. I
know that you were expecting to
turn in your book report, but I'm
extending the deadline for another
day.
118. CHILDREN
YAY!
Mona, Lily and Charley exchange a puzzled glance.
119. MISS GOTTO
*A practical joker placed pens with disappearing ink
in the library. Unfortunately,
that's what I used to write my
notes.
Miss Gotto holds up blank pages.
120. MISS GOTTO
*So, until I have time to rewrite them, we'll
discuss "Oliver Twist" some more.
Mona leans towards Lily.
121. MONA
(whispering)
Looks like Miss Dewey settled her
debt as well.
122. MISS GOTTO
Mona! Since you seem so eager to
speak, why don't you share your
views of the book with us?
Mona stands up next to her desk.
123. MONA
*Certainly. But first, let me tell you about the
valuable lessons that comic books
can teach all of us...
FADE OUT