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ANIMAL CRACKERS
THE METEORITE
CINAR Animation
Polish: March 26th, 1999
FADE IN:
EXT. - DODO'S PLACE - DAY
DODO is SFX:MUNCHING on potato chips on the couch, hidden behind a tabloid featuring attacking UFO's on the cover. He lowers the paper in outrage.
1. DODO
Aliens invading earth? How
ridiculous! Why, if that were true
I should be able to look up at the
sky right now and see...
Dodo looks up. His jaw drops and crumbs fall out. An increasing SFX:ROAR and an orange light flood the scene.
2. DODO
...a flying saucer?
EXT. - JUNGLE - DAY
Several empty bottles lie scattered on the ground. NEWTON is reclining against a tree, his belly distended, SFX:CHUGGING down a soda.
3. NEWTON
(belch) 'Scuse me.
When Newton speaks, carbonation bubbles float out of his mouth and SFX:POP around his head.
4. NEWTON
Oh, my stomach. If I drink another
drop of orange soda I'll burst.
After a moment of hesitation, he opens up another bottle (SFX:PSST) and drinks half of it in one shot. He gapes up at the same increasing SFX:ROAR and orange light as in the previous scene and does a spit take.
5. NEWTON
(choking)
Pfft!
INT. - LYLE'S CAVE - DAY
There is a pillar of suds in the shower.
6. LYLE
(singing off-key)
O give me a home where the buffalo
roam / And the deer and the
antelope play... / la-dee-da...
LYLE appears underneath as the suds rinse off. He reads the label on a bottle of shampoo.
7. LYLE
"A special blend of herbal essences
for rich, luxurious hair"... Hmmm,
luxurrrrrrious...
Lyle rolls the word in his mouth with relish. He SFX:SQUIRTS a large amount of shampoo on his head and lathers up.
8. LYLE
(singing off-key)
Home, home on the range / Where the
deer and the antelope play / Where
seldom is heard a discouraging word
/ And the skies are not cloudy...
all... DAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!
EXT. – LYLE'S CAVE - DAY
A SFX:ROARING meteorite the size of a wrecking ball SFX:SMASHES through the roof, sending clouds of dust out the windows and blowing the door off its hinges.
INT. – LYLE'S CAVE – DAY
Lyle's cave is in shambles and the shower nozzle is twisted in a pretzel. Lyle has suds in his eyes and fumbles for a towel.
9. LYLE
It never fails. As soon as I jump
in the shower, someone comes
knocking.
INT. - LYLE'S CAVE - DAY
Lyle is cleaning up, a towel still wrapped around his head. There is a gaping hole in the ceiling. He bends down to straighten up a knocked-over bookshelf and reveals the meteorite, half-buried and radiating a faint greenish glow. He reaches out towards it.
10. LYLE
What on earth is this?
11. DODO (O.S.)
Don't touch that!
Dodo jumps in through the roof and pulls Lyle away.
12. DODO
They're not here to make friends!
13. LYLE
What are you talking about?
Dodo shows Lyle the tabloid.
14. DODO
Space aliens, of course! Who else
do you think sent this probe?
Dodo rummages through the rubble. Lyle flips through the tabloid.
15. LYLE
Really Dodo, you shouldn't be
reading these gossips...
Lyle absent-mindedly sits on the meteorite as he reads. A green bolt of electricity SFX:ZAPS his butt. His glows green and his eyes glaze over. He babbles unintelligibly.
16. LYLE
Ouch! Bzzt...Ooklag... grok!
Dodo continues rummaging, unaware.
17. DODO
Say that again?
Lyle shakes it off but his eyes remain vacant. He rubs his butt while looking around as though he were lost.
18. LYLE
Where am I?
Dodo is oblivious to Lyle. He pulls a cricket mallet from the rubble and swings it with both hands.
19. DODO
Ah, found it! Can I borrow this?
20. LYLE
Sure... I guess...
21. DODO
Keep your eyes peeled for anything
suspicious, Lyle. According to the
tabloid, those aliens can be
tricky.
Dodo leaves with the mallet over his shoulder. Lyle takes off the towel around his head and his hair tumbles down, noticeably longer and turned a shade of green. Bolts of electricity SFX:CRACKLE through it.
22. LYLE
Who's Lyle?
EXT. - JUNGLE – DAY
Dodo is standing on a rock next to an easel with a flip chart. He's wearing a general's helmet and holding the cricket mallet which he's using as a pointer. EUGENE, GNU and TITO each carry improvised weapons: a baseball bat, a tennis racquet and a fork.
23. DODO
Men, Freeborn is under assault by
intruders from outer space. Scouts
may be walking among us, preparing
the way for an invasion as we
speak.
24. EUGENE
How do we know what to look for?
25. DODO
Good question! In order to help
identify the enemy, I've prepared
this artist's rendition of Homo
martianus.
Dodo flips the page to reveal a ridiculously cartoonish drawing of a green alien with ten tentacles and six eyes. Its head is covered by a helmet, out of which float gazeous bubbles. Dodo points to the illustration.
26. DODO
This one is equipped with a
breathing apparatus. As we all
know, the martian atmosphere is
composed mostly of methane. Which
can also make them very dangerous!
Dodo flips the page to an cartoonish illustration of Gnu having his butt singed by a flame-breathing alien.
27. GNU
Yikes!
28. DODO
They can also be devious. When
cornered, they can take any form
they want. They could even look
like one of us...
Dodo turns to successive drawings of Tito, Gnu and Eugene, all of them the same shade of green.
29. DODO
Now I won't lie to you, the chances
of success are slim, but I know
you're all eager to charge into
battle. Any questions?
Gnu raises his hands.
30. DODO
No one is excused without a
doctor's note.
Gnu lowers his hand.
31. DODO
Okay, Eugene you cover the east
side, and we'll take the west side.
Report later at my place.
32. EUGENE
Good, I need to work on my swing.
Eugene swings his bat and leaves. A twig SFX:SNAPS in the undergrowth, startling Gnu and Tito who huddle together.
33. GNU
Er, maybe I should guard the rear.
34. DODO
At least PRETEND to maintain a
little dignity.
Dodo pushes Gnu before him, who struggles with his heels firmly planted in the ground. Tito suspiciously watches a bubble float by. It traps him inside and floats away.
EXT. – JUNGLE – DAY
Newton and Newbie are standing together in a clearing.
35. NEWBIE
Let me see that again.
36. NEWTON
How much wood would a woodchuck
chuck if a wood chuck could chuck
wood.
Every word Newton utters produces carbonation bubbles that SFX:POP around his head.
37. NEWBIE
Well you're in a fine state. Didn't
the exact same thing happen last
time you drank too much orange
soda?
38. NEWTON
That was completely different. It
was grape soda.
More bubbles escape from Newton. Newbie waves them away like flies.
39. NEWBIE
What are people going to think when
they see bubbles coming out of your
ears like that? Come on, maybe I
can find an antacid or something.
They walk off screen, bubbles trailing.
40. NEWTON (O.S.)
Can I wash it down with soda?
41. NEWBIE (O.S.)
No!
EXT. – LYLE'S CAVE – DAY
Dodo and Gnu are at Lyle's door. Sounds of SFX:DRILLING, SFX:JACKHAMMERING and SFX:HYDRAULICS come from inside. Dodo SFX:KNOCKS and the noises stop. Lyle shouts through the door.
42. LYLE (O.S.)
Who is it?
43. DODO
Lyle, it's me, open up.
Several locks SFX:CLICK in succession. Lyle opens the door, carrying a wrench. His eyes are still vacant, and he's wearing a scarf around his head.
44. LYLE
Yes, I am Lyle. That's me. My name
is Lyle. How may I help you?
Tito floats by in his bubble. It SFX:POPS on one of Gnu's horns and he drops to the ground.
45. DODO
That's quite a ruckus you're making
in there.
46. LYLE
I am busy repairing... er... the
roof. Yes, that's it.
Tito peers inside through the open door.
47. DODO
Well, we came to help you get that
alien probe out of there in case
the martians come back for it.
Dodo tries to push his way through but Lyle pulls the door shut, trapping Tito inside with his tail caught in the door.
48. LYLE
We have no more use for the
probe... I mean, it will be
disposed of properly. No help is
required.
49. DODO
Well, if you insist. Anyway,
remember to keep watching for
anything out of the ordinary.
A green antenna slips out of Lyle's scarf and wags in the air. Lyle stuffs it back, unnoticed.
50. LYLE
I promise.
Dodo leaves. Lyle goes back inside.
INT. – LYLE'S CAVE – DAY
Lyle leans against the closed door. Tito rubs his tail, glaring angrily at Lyle, and does a double take.
ANGLE ON the meteorite. It is surrounded by cannibalised toasters, radios and televisions. A partially constructed flying saucer sits on the rubble. Lyle pulls off his scarf and two antennae unfurl.
51. LYLE
That nosy little bird is THIS CLOSE
to extinction.
He looks at his wristwatch.
52. LYLE
Oh my! I have to complete my
spaceship and return to Mars before
rush hour!
EXT. – DODO'S PLACE – DAY
Grandpa Tortoise is sitting on Dodo's couch, flanked by Gnu. There is a lamp by the couch. Dodo is fluffing up cushions to make him comfortable.
53. DODO
Thank you so much for acceping our
invitation. I really think it's
important for neighbours to get to
know each other better, Grandpa
Tortoise... or should I call you
Klargon from the planet Groklag?
Dodo jumps up on the back of the sofa and turns the lampshade to shine the light into Grandpa Tortoise's eyes.
54. DODO
When are you planning to invade?
55. GRANDPA TORTOISE
But...
56. DODO
How many of you will there be?
57. GRANDPA TORTOISE
But...
Grandpa Tortoise is sweating profusely.
58. DODO
Don't try to protect your alien
friends, it's useless.
59. GRANDPA TORTOISE
But I'm not an alien!
60. DODO
Don't lie, we found this at your
place. You're collecting live
specimens to take back to your
planet!
Dodo holds up a furry mass between his index and thumb. Grandpa Tortoise takes it and puts it on his head.
61. GRANDPA TORTOISE
That's no specimen, it's my new
wig. Don't you think it makes me
look younger?
62. DODO
(embarassed)
Oh. Right. It looks very, er...
natural. Thank you for your time.
Grandpa Tortoise walks away, pleased with the compliment. Dodo draws a line on a clipboard.
63. DODO
Well that's every suspect on my
list.
64. GNU
Eugene hasn't reported back from
his search yet. Maybe he's found
something.
65. DODO
I think we've underestimated the
aliens, Gnu. We can't expect them
to just throw themselves into our
opened arms.
As Dodo spreads his arms to illustrate his point, a low SFX:RUMBLING makes the ground shake. Newton runs over Dodo, still producing bubbles from his nose and ears.
66. NEWTON
Crazy elephant alert!
67. DODO
Oof! Hey, what's...
Before Dodo can dust himself off, Newbie runs over him as well.
68. NEWBIE
Pardon me! Coming through!
69. DODO
Ouch! Do you mind?
Eugene rushes into frame and stops. He shakes his bat at the fleeing gnus.
70. EUGENE
Aw rats, they got away. (shouting)
Nice disguise, martians, but those
bubbles betray you!
Dodo stands up, battered and covered with hoof prints. Eugene looks at him critically.
71. EUGENE
I see that I'm the only one doing
constructive work around here.
EXT. - JUNGLE - DAY
Bubbles emerge from a bush. Two heads emerge: Newton and Newbie.
72. NEWTON
I think he gave up the chase.
73. NEWBIE
Not for long. We're going to have
to tunnel out of the preserve and
lay low for a while. Keep an eye
out for Eugene.
Newbie lowers his head back into the bush.
74. NEWTON
Which way will he be coming from?
75. NEWBIE (O.S.)
Down on top of your head if you
don't hide.
Newton hides in the bush. It tiptoes along surreptitiously (SFX:RUSTLE).
76. NEWTON (O.S.)
Why do you think he's after us?
77. NEWBIE (O.S.)
Maybe it was one too many elephant
jokes.
EXT. - JUNGLE - DAY
Dodo, Eugene and Gnu are walking through the jungle and looking around.
78. EUGENE
They got away for now. Patience my
sweet.
Eugene strokes his baseball bat.
79. DODO
Aliens have superior intelligence.
Our chances of finding them again
are very small... oof!
Dodo trips over a mound of earth. It stretches in a line, as though created by a gopher.
80. GNU
Looks like we're dealing with a
couple of dumb aliens.
81. DODO
Let's see where it takes us.
The three follow the mound, noses close to the ground.
INT. – TUNNEL . DAY
Newbie and Newton, wearing mining helmets with lights, are SFX:DIGGING. Every shovelful of dirt that Newbie throws over his shoulder is thrown back by an absent-minded Newton, essentially rendering their progress nil. Behind them in the tunnel is a large knapsack with bottles sticking out. Newton stops.
82. NEWTON
Are we outside the preserve yet?
Bubbles continue to emerge from Newton every time he speaks. Newbie drops his shovel.
83. NEWBIE
Look, you've been asking me the
same question every five minutes
for the last two hours. We'll get
there when we get there, okay?
They continue digging.
EXT. – LYLE'S CAVE – DAY
Dodo, Eugene and Gnu follow the mound to Lyle's, where it disappears under the cave.
84. EUGENE
That's strange. It leads right up
to Lyle's cave!
85. GNU
They must be after the probe! Lyle
could be in danger!
Dodo SFX:KNOCKS on the door.
86. DODO
Let us in Lyle, we have to destroy
the probe before the aliens can
report back to the mothership!
INT. – LYLE'S CAVE - DAY
Lyle, in a trance, is SFX:HAMMERING on the nearly completed saucer while Tito watches. His hair has grown even more, as well as his antennae. The hole in the ceiling has been hastily patched up with boards.
87. LYLE
How do they know about the
mothership?
88. DODO (O.S.)
Come on, we promise not to damage
your place... much.
INT. - TUNNEL - DAY
Newbie and Newton are still digging. Newton stops.
89. NEWTON
I'm hungry.
Newbie drops his shovel.
90. NEWBIE
(exasperated)
You ate all the sandwiches ten
minutes after we left! They were
supposed to last us three days!
91. NEWTON
I skipped breakfast.
92. NEWBIE
Great. You want out of here, it's
fine by me. We must be far enough
by now anyway.
Newbie digs upwards but his shovel hits something solid (SFX:CLANG).
93. NEWBIE
There's some sort of rock blocking
the way.
Newbie SFX:PICKS at the object above them with his shovel. It fills the tunnel with a greenish glow.
INT. - LYLE'SPLACE - DAY
Lyle sits waist-deep in the flying saucer. He SFX:CLICKS a few buttons and it SFX:WHIRS to life, rising a few feet in the air. Tito, who watches from atop the meteorite, turns from the spectacle and tilts his head as a series of SFX:TAPS seem to come from the rock. He takes out a stethoscope and places it on the rock, answering each SFX:TAP with a SFX:KNOCK.
INT. - TUNNEL - DAY
Newbie gives the rock one last hit with his shovel (SFX:CLANG).
94. NEWBIE
We can't come up this way. We'll
have to continue a little further.
Newton's stomach SFX:GROWLS.
95. NEWTON
But I'm starving!
96. NEWBIE
(impatiently)
Okay, I got it the first time, it's
been a whole hour since you ate!
We'll back up a bit and try digging
up.
Newbie and Newton try to double back, but the knapsack is blocking the way.
97. NEWBIE
Didn't I tell you to leave that
orange soda behind?
98. NEWTON
I did. It's right behind us, isn't
it?
Newbie can't budge the bag and loses patience.
99. NEWBIE
It's stuck. I'm going to have to
jostle it free.
Newbie grabs the bag and shakes it violently, causing the bottles to SFX:CLATTER loudly. Some of the bottles begin to SFX:SPRAY high-pressure foam through the cap.
EXT. - LYLE'S CAVE – DAY
Dodo is worried at Lyle's silence.
100. DODO
He's not answering. Maybe the
aliens have taken him prisoner!
(beat) Eugene, knock the door down.
He steps aside to leave room for Eugene.
101. EUGENE
Don't rush me. There's an art to
smashing things.
INT. – LYLE'S CAVE - DAY.
Tito is still on the meteorite, SFX:TAPPING but receiving no answer. In the background, Lyle is getting ready for take-off, making the engine's SFX:WHIR go up and down in pitch. The rock begins to tremble and there is an increasing SFX:RUMBLE. Tito dives off the rock. A geyser of foam erupts (SFX:FIZZ), sending the rock SFX:SMASHING through the planks in the ceiling.
EXT. – LYLE'S CAVE - DAY
As Eugene prepares to ram the door, a geyser of foam blows through the roof and the door flies off its hinges. Lyle and saucer debris are washed out in a river of suds. He emerges from the unrecognisable debris battered and bruised; the force of the explosion has blown the hair and antennae off his head and left him practically bald. He appears disoriented.
102. LYLE
What happened? Where am I? (beat)
My television! Oh no!
Lyle holds up the scavenged remains of his television set. Dodo points to a trailing dot in the sky.
103. DODO
Look! The probe is leaving! We
scared them off, folks!
104. GNU/EUGENE
Yeeaahhh! Hooray!
INT. – LYLE'S CAVE - DAY
Newbie and Newton climb out of the hole where the meteorite rested previously, covered in foam. They look at the ruined living room around them. Newton no longer produces bubbles when he speaks.
105. NEWTON
Where's the fridge? (beat) Hey
look, no more bubbles! Orange soda
for everyone!
Newton holds up an intact bottle and uncaps it (SFX:FIZZ). Newbie SFX:SLAPS it out of his hand.
EXT. - LYLE'S CAVE - DAY
Lyle is on the roof, finishing the repairs. His hair has grown back normally. A voice rises from below.
106. DODO (O.S.)
Greetings earthling!
Lyle jerks up in surprise. He looks down to see Dodo with Gnu and Eugene.
107. DODO
Ha! Made you look! How are the
repairs coming along?
108. LYLE
Just great. Look, it's as good as
new!
Lyle SFX:JUMPS up and down on the patched-up hole. On the third pounce, the repairs SFX:CRACK and Lyle falls through. His front door opens a second after and he emerges, a little bit dizzy and covered in dust.
109. LYLE
Maybe I'll just put in a skylight.
110. GNU
You gotta watch out for bumps on
your head, Lyle. That explosion
shook you up pretty badly.
Lyle dusts himself off and they walk together.
111. LYLE
Oh no, I'm all better now. Except
for the loss of memory. Try as I
may, I can't remember a thing about
the meteorite.
112. EUGENE
Maybe the aliens erased your brain.
Dodo said...
113. DODO
Alleged aliens! I never actually
believed in them. Well, not really.
114. LYLE
You guys, really. Let's face it,
there were no aliens. It was just a
plain old rock fallen from the sky.
Nothing unusual about it.
As they walk into the shade, Lyle irradiates a faint but distinct
greenish glow. Tito SFX:WHIRS into frame on a small flying
saucer. He's grown a new pair of antennae, and his eyes are
eerily vacant. He zigzags after the gang.
FADE OUT: